Sparks XXXII

Scoopers

Glasgow, Scotland

Moon pies

Mango hookah

Talking to Grace

Grace in general

$5 movie Tuesdays

The new semester approaching

The exciting things it is bound to bring

Starting to feel productive

Owning like twenty crap taps

Thrift stores

Peach iced tea

Quality time with Aubrie all summer

Being rebellious with Aubrie

Talking about study abroad stuff with Natalie

Cool, crisp nights

The people who acknowledge that I've done something good

Getting a spontaneous foot massage 

Baking brownies on rainy days

Coming back to this blog

Even though I haven't written anything important in months

Actually making progress on my novel

Marvel movies...all of them

Parks and Recreation, for seriously being one of the best shows in the universe

Watching season two of Orange is the New Black with Aubrie

Reading horrible, badly written books for shits and giggles

Feeling better about your own writing

Kim Kardashian Hollywood, for being addicting and ruining my life

Having a girls day on Thursday

Already preparing for not only my junior year of college, but for leaving the country

Sparks XXXI

Decorating my room at home

Having every available surface holding some sort of trinket

Getting drunk with old and new friends (well...I was sober)

Scrunchies

Dirty, summer feet

XXXX Large tie dye t shirts to sleep in

Waking up at 11:00am

Spending the week with friends

Bumming around Green Lake

Walking into all the little shops just seeing what we might find

Bonnie's birds

Leaving Janee's house at 6am because her house was freezing and we couldn't find blankets

Trips to Minnesota, filled with talk of the future and ridiculous games of would you rather

Buying excessive amounts of junk food for the five hour trip

Eating hardly any of it

Shopping sprees at the Mall of America

Shrimp sandwiches

Finding the perfect lipstick

Roadtrips to Duluth

How gorgeous and unique Duluth is

How instead of building new buildings for shops like Dairy Queen, they get put into already existing ornate buildings

Antique-ing and the antique tins and pill boxes that come with it

Eating at the wrong, but still good, restaurant

Pulled pork sandwiches topped with deep fried pickles

Playing 'baseball' with driftwood and stones

Light houses on ice covered water

Therapeutically throwing rocks into the water for at least half an hour

Enger Tower

Spitting off of Enger Tower

Walking around the sculpture garden

The benches that were sarcastic, condescending, but full of truth and obviously my favorite 

Climbing up a sculpture, breakin' the law

Seeing The Neighbors while eating licorice

Panera bagels and frozen lemonade

Scoring deals and pants at the mall of not America

Going to the zoo

Seeing a giraffe drink another giraffe's urine AS IT WAS STREAMING

The crazy monkeys 

Especially the one with the creepy-ass white face

The adorable snow fox

The greenhouses 

Exotic flowers from all parts of the world

Homemade slushies

Seeing a minor league baseball game

Personally getting harassed by all the characters walking around

"Okay...now we need to find the freeway"

Hearing that at least two times a day everyday for four days

Watching every High School Musical consecutively

Just kidding

Being lazy

Cut up adult carrots

Going to Scoopers with Aubrie and Hailey 

Helping them film their Spanish video

Hanging out all day at the beach with Aubrie

Getting manicures with Marshall and Aubrie

Receiving life advice from my manicurist

Going to DQ and being extremely inappropriate while surrounded by children and their disapproving parents

Starting this summer off right

Sparks XXX

Bringing back memories by listening to Michelle Branch's Spirit Room, twice

This was my first ever CD

Just two more finals to go

Leaving Thursday afternoon

A week planned for Minnesota

Aptly named: Michelle and Josie Take on Minnesota (aka Ali's House)

Plans to go to Coldstone and watch Frozen after the dreaded Psych final

My psych professor fucking loving me

The RHA picnic and the NRHH picnic

Dinner dates with friends at Hu Hot

Dead Hours, I actually don't mind them

Sour Patch kids in my mailbox

Care packages from my parents with some of my favorite things

Like white cheddar popcorn

Finishing Dexter, even though it tore apart my soul

Starting Revenge

WHICH IS SO FUCKING GOOD

The fact that I haven't done laundry in two months

All nighters

That was a joke

A Cappella concerts that were amazing / witchcraft 

Trying to go see a movie, only to realize that we had all been looking at the wrong times

Settling for raspberry hot fudge sundaes at Culvers 

How cool is it that I got to Sparks XXX

Pretty fucking cool

Not having to start work until June 4th

Just two more days, just two more days

The Art of Being Bare Faced

"The beauty myth is always actually prescribing behavior and not appearance."

Naomi Wolf

Sparks XXIX

Almost putting this chapter of my life away

The people who go out of their way to offer me opportunities

My lack of makeup for quite some time

I literally haven't taken a shower since Sunday, no shame

My fantastic, wonderful, awful, burden of a research project about my favorite topic feminism

How much my professor loves it

My amazing research partner Emilia, literally couldn't have done it without her

Eating packets of strawberry licorice in the wee hours of the morning with her

My habit of getting Darn Good coffee

The fact that the lady sees me come in and immediately starts making my order because she knows

What a gem

Care packages from my parents, including, but not limited to white cheddar popcorn and pistachios 

Listening to old school music while being productive

Ice cream socials with the LLC

The Shrek soundtrack, literally the best

Completely dominating my final English essay...

...And I wrote it the night before

My sister's cold water challenge...dear god

Doing homework in Religions instead of listening to lecture

Cinnamon sugar bagels with honey butter feed my soul

The Intuitionist, the most bizarre mix of boring and intriguing

Recycling old papers

Taking down pictures, making it real

Being able to leave the window open all night

Having the perfect weather: cool light breeze, crisp air, sun shining

Late nights that could be worse

Nicole for literally being a savior

The amount of times I have said literally already

One more day of class, h0lla @ m3 

Sparks XXVIII

Blowing giant bubbles in the room

Red rain boots

Fearlessly splashing through puddles
The hilariously hideous and awkward selfies I had to take
With modes of transportation
While holding an umbrella
Like three different people actually laughed at me as I crouched by a scooter...

Adult carrots and grapes for a late night snack

Baha'i gatherings and discussion

Mango Mexican soda and butter cookies to help everything slip down

Kind and listening Aunts

Stealing more posters from the hallway

Fudge cheesecake from Hannah

Chicago this weekend!

Impressing professors never gets old

Getting a jump start on projects

Glasgow, Scotland, I need you in my life now please

Badass piercings that are healing

Cozy beds that can't bother to be made

A book that isn't as bad as I originally thought it was going to be

Looking up interesting quotes in the name of homework

Interviews tomorrow that I will (hopefully) rock

Wow, twenty-eight Sparks, wow

Trying my first snap pea and liking it

Peanut butter chocolate chunk giant ass cookies

Planned trips to Minnesota

Finals that were on Friday at 8am that are now the week before at 2pm

The thoughtfulness of others

Parents who still do things for their daughter even though she is busy in college

Actually feeling like am more adult-like and truly in my twenties

Almost closing this chapter in my life

Sparks XXVII

Calls from Grace from Uruguay that kind of scare the shit out of me, but I love anyway

Skype conversations, even if it's only for a few minutes

Ice cream, all day, everyday, specially when it's from Coldstone

Life talks with amazing professors

Being done with finals on a Thursday

Piercings that make me feel a teeny tiny bit bad ass

Smoking hot waiters at Applebees

A Capella concerts and half priced appetizers with Ali, Michelle, and Claire

Free ice cream

Launching my research project, aka my baby

Research partners that have become really, really good friends

And they totally get it when I want to ave a lazy day and not actually work on psychology

Hugs from Hannah

The show Dexter, I don't know how I would have survived the semester without it

Season seven is soo good

Aubrie, for being the best sister ever

Kind texts from parents

Almost finished with my second year of college

It's been a hell of a learning experience

I Confess

"Most people are other people.  Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." 

Oscar Wilde

Sparks XXVI

Old rings

Coffee coffee coffee

Too much raspberry syrup

Ganesha for taking away obstacles and being a beautiful symbol

Class recommendations

The fact that there is a feminist literature course?  Um, yes, sign me up please

Sara, whoever you are, thanks for putting your RELS 100 notes online, you fucking rock

You are the reason I got an A

Intricate glass bottles that cost $2

Opportunities, opportunities galore

Planners are my best friend

So are large sticky notes

Weird dreams that are still making me laugh

Scotland?!  Come to me, baby

Upcoming weekends in Chicago

Psychology conferences

Ani DiFranco and your strange soulful funk

Partners who can rock SPSS

Me...who can rock Qualtrics

The view out my window

Flipside, I always get so excited when there is a new issue

Being on Psychology Club exec board with Hannah

Being the NCC for NACURH...how did this even happen?

Apple crisp with vanilla bean ice cream

V-Ball and all of it's glamorous, gorgeousness that is pretty inexplicable

Fantastic and supportive friends, old and new

Mystical quotes that go over my head, but hit my heart

Purpose

Boing

Dear Spring, 

Please rear your beautiful head, I've been waiting patiently for you.  I can feel myself getting restless in my own skin and my mind has been prone to wandering.  I refuse to believe this beautiful night with the almost-warm wind brushing across tired cheeks as we maneuver around shrinking snow piles in our thin t-shirts could be a tease.  You know better than anyone that I don't take winter well, it wears me down to a dull point.  No matter how brightly the sun shines or how vibrantly the windows twinkle with intricate ice formations or how softly the snow clings to the barren arms of trees, I cannot shake the darkness that winter brings.  It is suffocating, claustrophobic.  It is weary.  It is uninspired.  It is empty.

You are life.  Renewal. Growth. Revival. Restoration. You are energy. 

I promise when you make your grand, albeit fashionably late, entrance, I will worship you reverently.  I will stroke your blooming petals with care, lay my cheek to the ground, and experience your greatness and divinity with all of my senses, because there truly is no separation between my body, my soul, and the rest of the known reality.       

Sparks XXV

Skipping my first class ever

Knowing it is pointless anyway

Feeling like the weekend is extra long

Being able to intellectually talk about Audre Lorde with my favorite professor

Getting book recommendations from him as well

Getting a position on exec board

SLED

Recognition stars from Hannah

Adventures with Celia, Michelle, Brandon, and Janee

Red Robin for the first time

Endless rootbeer floats

Watching basketball and actually being excited about it

Michelle after she drinks Dr Pepper

Emilia for being understanding

My parents and their sassy-ness

New seasons of Bob's Burgers

The room to myself for a night

Impressing my psychology professor

Doing a feminist two-factor study for a research class

Seeing myself becoming more outgoing

David...I mean Brandon...No, David

Back massages from strangers...

Cheesecake frozen yogurt, yum!

Clean rooms

Hitting the wind chime every seven seconds

Frozen mint mochas

Taking the bus up the hill while mother nature shit a foot of snow on us

Extra large cheese curds and fried pickles

Milwaukee Burger

Genuinely kind strangers who are literally better off not being so nice to you

My sister's text: U up?  (She is so fucking hilarious, I wish she was here)

Grace's comments on my blog posts

Grace's blog posts about her adventures

The fact that whenever someone asks me about my roommate, I immediately think of Grace

I then refer to my current roommate as a fake roommate and make sure it it clear they know Grace is my true roommate

True story

Lovely weekends with old friends and new friends

Sparks XXIV

A new found appreciation for oranges

Audre Lorde, one of my favorite people ever

Liberating acts

Red nails

Peanut and chocolate granola bars

Silent Study with Michelle

Sun and warm(er) weather

Glasgow, Scotland

Finishing study abroad applications

Katy for writing a letter of recommendation 

Gray

Iced vanilla chai

Shopping sprees with friends

Walks followed by lunch out with Ali and Michelle

Walks followed by coffee dates with Amelia 

2048 (damn you though, damn you)

Mad Men to sooth me

Tuesdays, for so many reasons

Getting ten hours of sleep for the first time in a really long time

Frozen soundtrack, never gets old.  Ever.

Interviews for Ambassadors

Sugar cookies from the caf

Impressing professors 

Psych Club Jeopardy 

Weekends without the roommate 

Finishing to do lists

Passing a level of Candy Crush that took for-fucking-ever to complete

Vandalizing the back of Michelle's notebook

Hannah for being a really, really good friend 

Procrastination (not really)

New dresses with daises on it

Actually feeling inspired
Contribution that is appreciated and looked forward to

Learning

Feminism: A Love Story

"The world was hers for the reading."
Betty Smith

Obviously, feminism comes with cats

Sparks XXIII

Twin beds with soft sheets and piles of quilts

Sleep, glorious sleep

Mad Men and the lovely fashion (not the sexism, racism, classism, and heterosexism though)

Bob's Burgers, especially Tina

Hanging out with my dad

A loving family who are proud of me

A mom who totally spoils me

Unexpected grants

Stornoway, you feed my soul

Maya and Riley

French silk pie

Hanging glass candle holders

Last orthodontist appointments (forever)

Spring clothing

Shopping days with Aubrie

Having a feminist sister

Crap taps

Tops that I swear to fucking god look cute on

World Market

Emilia, my amazing research partner

Hanging out with Emilia literally every day because psychology = life

Writing a kick ass essay on race and gender

Dreams of being an Activist (with a capital A) at some point

OxFam, sittin' on a tarp, drinkin' out of a bucket

Heather and I almost inciting a revolution

The Hannah, Heather, Josie dream team

Winning a lunch with Katy...or should I say, Katy winning a lunch with the fabulous Josie

Leadership Seminar

Skyping with Grace

Knowing she is having a wonderful time

And the fact that she got the RA position

Knowing that Grace will soon enough take her rightful place as my roommate

Getting to relax for a week

No research methods to worry about

Getting asked to present at an undergraduate research conference

Feeling like a real psychologist

Adulthood!

Just kidding

Sparks XXII

Watching Through A Glass Darkly with Abby and Hannah

Foreign Films

Free popcorn

Psychology

Concerts in The Cabin

Frozen

Frozen soundtrack

Getting a solid twelve hours of sleep

Bum days

Getting coffee and pastries with Michelle, Ali, Dani, Michaela, Jessica, Emily, Becca and Lydia.  

Coffee cake and caramel macchiatos

Clothing adventures with Dani and Emily

Scarlet scarves

Geometric gold necklaces 

90's music

Vagina Monologue retreats

Meeting more feminist friends

Being surrounded by people working toward the same cause

Kind words

Time to recharge

A much needed cry

Learning how to sort my life

Knowing what aspects are priorities

But still taking time to have fun
Not wanting to write a Sparks because it seems like everything is crumbling, but somehow managing it because I know it is important
And they make me feel better

  

Sparks XXI

Chai tea and apple cinnamon muffins

Days and nights spent in The Cabin

Getting a spot on the comfy couches by the fire

Making new feminist friends

Smiles and compliments from strangers

Turning in the first research project

Beginning to figure out the demon that is SPSS

The Vagina Monologues

Getting the piece I auditioned for

Good hair days and new boots

Sugar Plum lipstick

The Beat movement and the poems that come with

Audre Lorde and her wisdom 

Textbooks I actually enjoy reading

Caramel cashew trail mix

Feeling myself really growing intellectually and as a person this semester

Knowing that I'm being stretched to my limits, but I'm handling it

For Hannah, Emilia, and Jo Ann believing so thoroughly in me

Amelia for just being herself and being so persistent with me

Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays with Abby, Hannah, Alyse, and Allie

In the Loner Corner

For Sylvie, Emily, and Briana 

We are the smartasses in the back of the classroom literally passing notes and giving sassy commentary 

We are twenty

It's fine

The sass that radiates from my logistics group

Going through an entire pack of to do list post-it notes 

Tomorrow is Friday

I think I can make it

Sparks XX

Having Grace for the weekend

Grace in general

Playing board games

Breakfast at The Nucleus with wonderful friends

The movie Persepolis 

Apple cinnamon french toast and The Frigid Girl Scout

Sherlock viewings 

Making taco Hamburger Helper that was maybe kind of okay

Class days that begin at 2:00 pm

Having professors already know me by name

Key earring compliments

Women's Studies

Professors with pink hair and funky tights

Fleece lined tights under jeans

Layers and layers of scarves

Michelle for borrowing me her hat

Eating pints of Ben & Jerry's with Abby 
Finishing said pints
They were Half Baked, okay

Strong and resilient strangers that leave me in awe

Brunch with Hannah

Vagina Monologue auditions

My hot English professor finding me interesting

Ooh la la 

Wow, twenty Sparks, wow

I think my Research Methods professor likes me?

Maybe???

I'm going to go with yes 

That College Life

"College has given me the confidence I need to fail."
Jarod Kintz 

Feeling like real college students

Sparks XIX

Relaxing and recharging mornings

Tuesdays that begin at two in the afternoon

The everything playlist

Movie night: round two

Solo walks to Water Street

Trucker's Union and all the goodies it has to offer

My West African earrings

Vintage cards

Hilarious clearance greeting cards

New beginnings

Fresh starts

First days

Gossip sessions with Amelia 

The fact that I can feel that things are going to be different

Ridiculously clean rooms

4 Westrogen

Harry Potter floor themes and being sorted into Slytherin

Hannah for her beautiful ring and romantic story

Hannah also just for being the best and the sweetest and helping a gurl out
Feminist pedagogy, hell yeah
Paulo Freire and his wise words
Having a gorgeous English professor who seems to like swearing as much as I do
Having intriguing classes and professors, so far, who also happen to be hip and young
Did I mention my English professor?
The first thing he said to us was "Jesus Christ"
My. Ovaries.
His hair is lovely
As are his glasses
Wow, English class

Aye yo spring semester

Sparks XVIII

Leaving home home only to return to another

Saying goodbye to a small town
Lovely warm days for walks downtown
Finding facial sunscreen that is actually nice on the skin, praise Jesus

Hugs and adventures with Abby

Getting kicked out of Davies

Going to The Nucleus and Trucker's Union with Dad

Seeing the Hobbit (finally) with Dad

Strawberry nutella crepes in all of their glory

Coin earrings that I am destined to acquire

Mints and a lovely note from Grace

Open spaces

Um, let's talk about the fact that I can watch Sherlock tonight!

James and his enthusiasm and tight embraces

The feeling of being completely unpacked

Seeing so many familiar and friendly faces

Anxiously awaiting the arrival of Michelle and Ali

Hannah putting me a Slytherin, obviously

Grace is visiting in a week!  

Sweet pea wallflowers

Knowing that I will be missed

Grace for being kind enough to leave some essential items for me

And also a scrap of carpet

Eating breakfast foods for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as well as a snack, wow

Making plans to see cabaret

Abby and her lovely ratted hair

Catching up with friends

Writing blog posts from the place I belong

Sparks XVII

Beautiful winter wonderland walks

Fat snow flakes that make the world look new and fresh

Stepping the the footprints of others on slippery sidewalks

Quaint little bakeries with reasonably priced gourmet treats

Turning in sixteen dollars worth of coins to kind bank tellers

The streets of a peaceful, quiet village
Afternoons with Marshall

Riley's heated nook
Friends huddling together on my bed

Binging on doughnuts, magazines, and gossip

The telling of secrets and confessions

The color maroon, in all its regal glory

Helping Aubrie in editing her paper and knowing I made a difference

Knowing that I have an impact

Brain Dump Reflection

It was an eye opening experience, writing that brain dump.  It was extremely therapeutic.  It was like flushing all of the toxins out and leaving myself with a blank slate.  I just wrote and wrote until I felt a little empty, in a good way.  Part of the reason I take medication is to quiet my brain down, take the edge off. I have so many thoughts, anxieties, worries, daydreams, fantasies floating around my head at all times of the day.  It is extremely difficult to concentrate and keep my head above water.  I had no idea how severe it was until I starting taking something to tame my brain, so to say.  My little Brain Dump doesn't even nick the surface, but it does make a pretty pattern.  

I noticed that I started out with relatively good spelling and grammar, but it deteriorated quickly, sometimes almost incomprehensible.  I like that.  Just like the mind.  Just like feelings.  I was just typing so quickly, trying to get the words out as they passed through my mind cavity.  I began at my normal speed of typing, but soon I was typing faster than I ever have.  Thinking/writing that all down honestly took me maybe five minutes.  I was just whizzing through thoughts and sentences.  Reading it back over, in the short amount of time, I actually didn't remember some of the things I jotted down and I was even a bit surprised by some of the items I mentioned.  

It's all very interesting, and it's all so very human.    

Brain Dump

*This is an exercise, like free writing, to jot down everything that has been running through my head at the moment.  Think. Write. Release. Not worrying about spelling/grammatical errors, comprehension, or fluidity. Going as fast as my thoughts come. Just writing therapy.*

I can't believe I'm going back to school in three days. It seems surreal that time has passed this quickly with nothing substansial happening.  I mean not to say I didn't have a good time, it was extremely restful and I definitely enjoyed spending time with family, but I feel like i had all of these plans and I didn't really accomplish any of them,  I was going to work out and I was going to work on my creative writing and I was going to read a ton of books.  okay i guess i kind of did that, but still.  everything was pretty bland like cheerios without a sprinkle of sugar.  and it doesn't help that I' so worried about my sister. I don't like the people she hangs out with, i think they are bad influences on an already inressionable person and i fee like she feels like she needs to do whatwever she can to fin in.  she is a great person who is funny and fun to be around, she doesn't beed to change fr other people to like her.  I just feel like she could easily start travelling down a dangerous path and maybe thats just because i have been friend s wih people who have traveledc extrensicely down the paths i worried she is going to take.  she acts so sneaky and i never even know what she is lying to me about.  i can tell she isnt happy but she closes me out.  i think she knows i know bt she doesnt know that i know the extent . im just worried about her.  i am more observant than my parents and i feeel like its dangerous for me not to be arond, acting like a sort of atchuf l eye or fly on the wall. and i know some of this isn;t her fault. i know she has some extensive issues with a certain family member that i can relate to, but i feel like it all digs at her deeper. she can't let go and she dweels .she also doens;t know when to stop. im afraid to go back to school because of this and im happy to be going to back to school because of this . and the fact that i will no longer have to be a cashier at least for a few months and one thing cashiering has taughtime is how thankful i am that i go to college and i won't have to clean public bathrooms for a living anymore...hopefully.  i can only hope for the best and my best fdefinteily doesn't include washing out piss stains from a toileet bowl unless its my own.  I'm already sick of everyone in this town. its like a snpshot of a bunch of people who let their dreams fade and a stuck in the neverending rut and depression.  i have ot see them day in a day out checking out their grocieres and seeing nothing behinf the face.  they are the typeof people who wake up, go to work, come home, watch tv with glazed over eyes, go to bed, and repeat.  what the hell kind of life is that.  i would happily give up things like job security or a home in th nice oart of town if it means i have to live that dull sort of existance, ya know.  its just nt worjth it. i can't be happy in a small town with small people.  ive taken to lookin up larger cities in the united states...just to read about them...just to see what's going not.  not the cliche new york city or chicago, but ones you don't really think about immediately when you think about a big city.  citiws liek kansas city.  its just interesting.  its a new perspective.  also, it's weid to think that actual things go on outside of your own perosnal sphere.  there are things you will never know that are going on in toronto riht now.  or in some hard to pronounce county in the middle east. there are hings happening and people living their lives and going through their own struggles and conquests and you will never know any of it and you will never know them and it makes you think about how small and insignificant you really are and it really doesnt seem like you make much of an imact but really you do.  you do amke an impact.  maybe not eeryone can have a worldly impact ,  ut you have an impact on the people you are close to, you ave an impact on your accquinatances, and you even have an impact, no matter how slight, on the people you casually pass on th street.  maybe the shirt you wore inpsired them to get on liek it, maybe they thouhgt you were cute, maybe they thought you looked like you were having a bad day and they spent 45 seonds thinking about what could have madeyour day bad.  maybe they thought you looked like someone they wanted to get to lnow or someone they never wnt to me.  you knever know.  you can never know truly what someone is thinking because you are not inside their mind with them.  everyone is going to hold back and filiter somehwat weh n hey speak so you will never nefver never get to full unadulterated version.  they probably dont even know the full version it seems like people think in a different language then they speak something so abstract and complicated and they do their best to translate and it usually wotks somehwta most of the time, but you get those times when you can think something so clearly and vidily, but you don;t have the right words or phrases to even begin to describe what you are feeling, like you can't even understand yourself or the things or the lack of things running through you and if you cannot understand yourself who the hell can. you ahve a front row seat to your own mind but its still like watching a foreign movie without the subtitles.

Sparks XVI

How happy this blog makes me and what it shows me
The new background 
Nice little old men and women who buy dozens of cake donuts every Wednesday
The old man on the bench sipping his coffee and chatting to me
People who use their own bags when grocery shopping
People who use paper bags
Having the day feel long instead of wondering where the time went
Aubrie's independence
Triple digit roman numerals are so great
My bookcase, I've been looking at it a lot lately, it's pretty neat
Finding a book in the back of my closet that I accidentally stole
New additions to the bookcase...
Pig
The Eels - Fresh Feeling
Clean rooms
Thoughts of going back soon
Natalie just for being Natalie
Seeing Marsha!
Tomorrow is my last day of work
Doing the right thing (even though it back fired like big time)
This coming Saturday
Dad telling me he'll take me to The Nucleus when he drops me off
That means strawberry Nutella crepes
Reminiscing about childhood memories with family
Watching Scrubs with my family like we used to years ago
Starting my day with a bowl of good ol' Life
Did I mention my last day of work is tomorrow?  

Contentment

The Eels - Fresh Feeling



I have a difficult time feeling content or satisfied for long periods of time.  Or even medium amounts of time.  I have never really enjoyed extremely permanent fixtures in my life,  probably one of the main reasons I will never get a tattoo, and I feel as though I'm always searching for middle ground.  How can people be O.K. with just average, mediocre, mundane?  Because they think that's what they deserve?  Or maybe they don't even know what they want to begin with.  I sure as hell don't know what I want, but I do know what average is.  I know what average feels like.  It feels like nothing, it feels like numb.  It feels like purgatory, a limbo between being good enough to succeed and being brave enough to be a fuck up.  I am in no way a good or perfect person, I have many severe flaws that cling to me, but I at least owe it to myself to live a slightly above average life, right?  Eventually I will stop looking for the fresh feeling, because I will have found a feeling that I can live with for eternity...right?  Or am I not supposed to settle...on anything...no matter how good?  Are we all supposed to keep moving, exploring, and stretching our limbs?  Maybe I'm never supposed to feel content.  Maybe contentment is what keeps people from greatness and adventure.  It could keep them from being interesting, a full of stories to tell at parties or pages of a journal, from being well-rounded, experienced, flawed in the beautiful human sort of way, and I guess it keeps everyone from growing.  I mean...right?  Doesn't contentedness by nature...stunt you?  You decide to cut yourself off at a certain level because you think this is as good as it gets and you don't feel the need to reach out for more?  Pull other elements into your life? If you are truly content, you aren't going to experiment...because you're content with where you are, no need to stir things up, that what content means.  So, content is really just a synonym for boring?

Sparks XV

Making it to fifteen Sparks
Going back to college soon
Getting pedicures
Dark red nails
Cute little manicurists named Rose and Lee
Having adventures with Aubrie
Michelle deciding that when we get back we are all having a sleepover in my room
Mint meltaway ice cream
Once Upon a Time
Captain Hook for being so damn attractive
Irish accents
My dad watching Dexter with me
Hot fudge sundaes with raspberries on top
Dad for planning a day of fun with me this weekend
My hideous house sweater
My obsession with buying journals I will never use
The new little decor items I bought:
A organically shaped glass jug...thing
And a golden little trinket keeper.
Already having someone in line that I'm borrowing Divergent from
Texts from Hannah that make me laugh
Winning ten dollars from the lottery
Natalie's ridiculous snapchats
Aubrie for indulging me in my absurdness and having the same sense of humor as me
Being loved so thoroughly 

Adulthood

"Thirty was so strange for me.  I've really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult."
C.S. Lewis

So, so adult-ish

Sparks XIV

Baking chocolate finger cookies

Not having to go into work

Naps

"Mexican Hot Chocolate"

Being productive even though it's break

Blogging for the first time in forever

Riley's cute little snores

Slippers and robes

Reading good books

Cream cheese doughnuts 

A warm house

Actually going to bed early, but still waking up late

Probably having the room to myself next semester

Possibilities, inspiration, and ambition

Oatmeal on arctic days
Roman numerals are cool, okay
Literally having to look up like every roman numeral

How thankful I am that I go to college

Treasuring the days I don't have to clean public bathrooms

Fuzzy socks

A sister who just gets it

Not Your Reality

"Humans see what they want to see."
Rick Riordan

Just lil' old me

Sparks XIII

Mint flavored everything

Having a job that wants me there

Maple and brown sugar instant oatmeal

The softest pajamas to ever grace my body

Bubble baths

Quilts, quilts, and more quilts for the arctic temperatures

Space heaters (they are underrated)

New seasons of Dexter

Contemplation

Once Upon a Time

Self-Reflection

Aubrie's baking

Phone calls to Grace

Distance

Knowing what I want

The wise advice of Grace

Home cooked meals

Extra large boxes of Life cereal

Inspiration

How the house looks when all the Christmas decorations are taken out

The strange people I come into contact with on a daily basis

Butter spindles, jelly beans, twizzlers, and fake and/or real wine with friends

My hideous "love" quilt

Relaxation and restoration