"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
Oscar Wilde
Sometimes I think it is difficult to recognize the smaller pieces of our intersectional beings, we just see ourselves as whole masses floating through our daily routine. Obviously, it is extremely important to realize that we are whole, complex identities with our own privileges, oppressions, intersections, and idiosyncrasies, but it can be just as important to delve into pieces of ourselves and explore what is there. With the idea of intersectionality, it is impossible to completely and neatly separate out singular aspects of a person, as everything is intertwined, but it is interesting to see what happens.
So this is sort of like a therapeutic confession post about myself.
I confess that...
...I am a hoarder. I don't want to give up anything, not birthday cards from when I was 12, not doodles from when I was 14.
...I like to by weird, interesting, eclectic objects and imagine what my future home is going to be like.
...the future and all it has to offer terrifies me and I often worry that I'm going nowhere and I'll end up living in someone's basement.
...I also worry that I will truly end up alone, because my love life is a pathetic indie-movie that has like a 2% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
...I love and adore psychology, but sometimes I just want to be a full time activist who fills her time with reading feminist theory, protesting, writing angsty blog posts, and writing novels.
...I constantly worry that people only see a shallow version of what I am and what I could be.
...religion scares me, I don't understand it, and I don't know if I ever will, which scares me even more.
...this makes me worry I'm going to burn in hell or something.
...even in saying this, I am absolutely fascinated with Hinduism.
...if you don't agree with feminist theory, you can get the fuck out of my face.
...I swear way too often, and sometimes I try to stop, but I don't think I can at this point.
...I want to get off of my medication, but I'm too afraid to.
...I worry about my sister all the time, and when I think about it too long, I physically feel ill.
...I often wonder if I'm 'college-ing' correctly.
...I am bisexual and I'm tired of feeling invalidated in Women's classes because when sexuality is talked about, it is still discussed in such a black and white manner.
...my parents still don't know and maybe they never will.
...my new roommate is driving me up a fucking wall, who the fuck goes to bed a 10:00pm every night?!
...I spend too much time in my head and not enough time in reality.
...I haven't written for fun in ages and that makes me sad, but I'm too scared to start back up again.
...since coming to college, I really haven't done any art projects, and I used to be one of the top artists in the school.
...I get ridiculously obsessive over things.
...I don't know when I'll reach a point where I'm actually proud of myself, or content.
...I am reaching my limit right now.
...I am becoming so burnt out.
...I am having a difficult time falling asleep, no matter how late it is, because I'm thinking about all the things that need to be done.
...I shouldn't even be writing this post.
No comments:
Post a Comment