Paralysis

"All people dream, but not equally.
Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind,
Wake in the morning to find it was vanity.
But the dreamers of the day are dangerous people,
For they dreams their dreams with eye open,
And make them come true."
D.H. Lawrence

A project of ambition.

Sometimes I feel like I am utterly frozen by the thought of my own ambition.  There are infinite opportunities I want to pursue, thoughts to consume, concepts to learn, gems to unearth, words to bring to life, experiences to live...

It's overwhelming and exhilarating.

The present is nonexistent.  You are either dwelling on the past or planning for the future.  The present is this exact moment, and by the time you are able to contemplate that concept, you have moved into a new present.

I am anxious for the future, yet I fear it.  I find myself wanting to revert back...back to the second grade and start all over.  To press the rewind button.  Not so I can change how my life has been laid out, but so that I can take the time to truly appreciate and savor every moment.  I am heading into true adulthood and my greatest fear is to wake up one day and be thirty-five.  Not that I necessarily fear getting older, but I cringe at the thought of wasted time, missed moments, unused opportunities.

I don't want to regret my life.  I don't want to become middle aged and have the burden of reflecting on my discarded goals and dreams.  The agonizing realization of a life unfulfilled.

These thoughts leave me spiraling.