Adulthood

"Thirty was so strange for me.  I've really had to come to terms with the fact that I am now a walking and talking adult."
C.S. Lewis

So, so adult-ish

It's strange to think that I am almost halfway done with my undergraduate degree.  That I'm old enough to have a quarter life crises.  That I'm at that stage in my life where people don't consider me to be living with my parents, just "visiting."  That graduate school is on the horizon, drawing ever nearer.  That in four years I will be the same age as my mom when she got married.  And three years after that, the age she was when she had her first child (me). Time: what an elusive, awful, beautiful thing.

I feel as though I'm on the cusp of the "real world" and I don't even know what that means.

To me the real word sounds like taxes, mortgages, bills, down payments, savings accounts, debt, knowing how to cook, clean like...everyday, a career that may or may not be satisfying, marriage or partnership, the birthing of children, the actual taking care of children, and did I mention children?

Like, whoa.  Let's take it easy for a quick tick.  I'm a twenty year old female who doesn't have her license, has never been in a serious relationship, is easily agitated by formal looking emails or mail, sleeps with four stuffed animals on her bed, spends way too much time outside of reality, has never even left the country (aside from the time I allegedly went to Canada when I was one.  World traveler right here), still has a weird obsession over owls, and actually had ice cream for breakfast this morning.

Okay, I'm not cut out for being an adult.

I know that my description of adulthood is just a complied version of my parent's, television characters, magazine articles, and books.  I know that everyone lives their own reality.  I know that everyone at least has some choice in how their life plays out, especially someone as privileged as me.

For me, I want my adulthood to be fucking awesome.  But seriously.  I think teenage years are so overrated, I'm completely ready to take on the adventure of my 20's and 30's.

I want to travel to places like Turkey, India, and Germany.  I want to live in other states.  I want to live in other countries.  I want to get my masters and then go ahead and get my doctorate.  I want to marry someone that makes me happy.  And then I want to travel with them.  I want to be successful as a psychologist, whatever I think that means at the time. I want to collect my own personal library.  I want to work with minorities, women, and LGBTQIA+ communities, because I know that will be fulfilling and satisfying for me.  I want to live in a city where there is something going on every day and every night. I want to publish a book and then publish more. I want to finish my bucket list.  I want to be happy.  I don't want to be bogged down with thoughts of paperwork, whether my house is clean, or if I will ever be able to cook a turkey dinner.

I mean, really, does it matter?